Skinny Jeans + Big Calves

Picture this... chick walks into a nail salon and says "I'd like a pedicure." She's told to pick a color and to be seated at the pedicure station with the water being started for her feet. The girl starts to take off her sandals and then it dawns on her.... (Insert dun, dun, dun sound here) she's wearing skinny jeans today!

There are no backup clothes packed, so she must attempt to roll up the skinny jeans. Yep... the girl was me... on more than one occasion! When I say "attempt to roll" it's like trying to squeeze sausage from it's wrapping... in reverse! I have big calves. Yep, I admitted it. I spent 25 years of my life, as a dancer, and on my toes 75% of the time. I was also a cheerleader for almost 10 years. So to say I spent most of my life on my toes is not an understatement. To this day I'm still a toe runner, when I'm forced to run; but I digress. So my calves are... well endowed. Skinny jeans are my jam and I do love them. However, due to the complexity of my calf problem, I'm often left with seam marks on the insides of my calves. Ya'll I'm not talking like a cute little mark that goes away after 15 minutes. Legit creases in my legs like the ones you get when you've slept on your face for 5 hours straight and you know exactly how the pillow was folded under your face! (See below for evidence)

Now many reading this are thinking one or more the following.

1. Buy bigger pants

2. Ooohh, I hate when that happens. (Hi! Welcome to the big calf club. I'm not only the President, but I'm also a member!)

3. I don't care... I'm reading this to get a laugh.

The bigger pants dilimma is exactly that, a dilimma. Bigger pants, means a bigger number, and we all know what that does to us ladies mentally for starters. (insert eye roll here) Also, bigger pants means bigger waist, thighs, butt, and calves. The first three are not the issue. In fact I don't think a bigger size would still fix the "big calf situation" I've got going on. So, no that's not a fix to the brandings of the skinny jeans. For all those reading that are apart of the "Big Calf Club" you're welcome for shedding light on our first world problems. Lastly, for those reading for a good laugh, carry on!

Now back to the story. So what did the girl do when she was trying to pull the skinny jeans up the large calf and it wouldn't go? Well my friends... let's just say pliers were almost involved, scissors were definitely considered, and a blood clot was definitely close to being formed. The jeans DID finally make their way up past the calf so the pedicure could commence. However, taking them back down after, was quite literally an act of Congress. To the point that one pant leg didn't even make its way back down before leaving the salon. Yep, that's right, I straight walked out of there like I was L.L. Cool J busting out singing "Momma's Gonna Knock You Out!" (More like "My calf gonna knock you out")

The calf finally got some relief when I made it home and started from the very top, down and pulled them off to be able to start all the way over. I tell this story not only for the laugh, the awareness of big calves all over, but to give you an even deeper insight into who I am and my BIG problems on the daily. Wear your skinny jeans proudly... marks and all!